Wednesday, October 12, 2005

A Case Study In Quality Control: The Globe And Mail

My underground doesn't like you, the media might
But we the defeat will change that
As we bridge gaps in this lyrical grudge match, brothers we slugback
--Jurassic 5

LIB takes Lil Malick to the bridge. Here's LIB's great summary of her most recent "column":
1. Heather rides the subway a lot.

2. Heather "prowl[s] the subway car picking up litter".

3. The Great Lakes are about to evaporate due to global warming.

4. Canada is obliged to sell it’s oil to the United States pursuant to something called “North American free trade agreement”. [LIB - Actually, no. NAFTA only requires that each country not give preferential pricing to its own nationals. Each NAFTA country is allowed to restrict energy exports for reasons of conservation, supply shortages and national security. See Article 6 of NATA [] But please don’t expect Heather not to lie to you.]

5. Americans are mean. Canada has a chance to “kill NAFTA”.

6. Paul Martin is “a coward”. Brian Mulroney “never met an American corporation he didn't like”.

7. The CBC is “the thread that connects this country”. “Canada-hating bean-counters”, arrayed in a “gang”, are out to get the CBC.

8. Americans suck. Why? Because amongst, other things, they “kill so lavishly, turn their children stupid and keep black citizens at the level they were at just after the Civil War”.

9. The Canadian “national dream vaporize[d] this fall without protest”. [LIB – On this point, the semantics break down a bit – the CBC was our “national dream”?]

10. "Have we no pride?"

11. "Sane Americans” don’t join the army. Therefore, the US Navy is training killer dolphins. But it lost some dolphins. Maybe. So now the Navy is looking for the dolphins. Maybe.

12. Dolphins are friendly.

13. The US Army is mean, and mean to dolphins.

14. "Canada is America's dolphin."

15. Stephen Harper has an electrode planted somewhere on his body, presumably by the US Navy. Maybe Paul Martin does, too.

16. "We are not America's dolphin."

17. Peter Mansbridge was “silenced” and now Canadians are “angry”.

I couldn't believe it until I read it.

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