Hi! I'm gerbil lover, Richard Gere
Instead of "Hi, I’m Richard Gere and I’m speaking for the entire world", here are some alternative opening sentences for Richard Gere in his address to the Palestinians:
"Hi, I'm Richard Gere,
1. gerbil lover
2. Mr. Pretty Woman
3. Buddhist monk trainee assistant
4. frequent bed-wetter
5. backup dancer to Jessica Simpson
6. the semi-man from "Shall We Prance?"
7. speaking for the entire universe of Beverly Hills AND Malibu
8. or as you know me from 'Team America: World Police': "Matt! Da-mon!"
9. a wanker repeating what I read in the Coles Notes of the Dalai Lama's last book
10. a smug and self-righteous idiot, mistaking my 'celebrity' for 'insight'."