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Forget Firewalls. Welcome to Albumbia
Friday, 12 March 2004
Ric Dolphin

The word Albumbia, which gives this column its name, first gamboled into public view a couple of April Foolses ago in a spoof I wrote for the Edmonton Journal. The story outlined the imminent amalgamation of Canada’s two great western provinces into a Quebec-rivaling entity whose combined electoral and economic clout would cause Ottawa to sit up and say tabernac! (Or whatever it is those hockey-visored corruption monkeys exclaim upon involuntary urination.)

An excerpt: Despite an apparently infinite array of hurdles, the momentum within both legislatures has been accelerating since Premiers Klein and Campbell had those first tentative words over dinner – aptly, surf ‘n’ turf – in Kamloops last June 31.

There, in the Cascadia Room of the Best Western, with top deputies taking notes, the premiers discussed the “synergies” (Campbell’s word) that have developed between the neighbours. They spoke of the criss-cross-migration caused by older Albertans retiring and younger British Columbians seeking jobs and affordable housing. They spoke of the similarities of the two resource-based economies. They exclaimed at the common political beliefs – once away from the Amsterdam-like precincts of Vancouver – among the majority of the population. Never before, they agreed, had a single strong voice been more needed. Never before had the governments in Edmonton and Victoria been working with such common purpose. It was time, they agreed, for “hitching the wagons together.” (Klein’s words.)

Among the names allegedly bruited for the new territory were “Westonia,” “Columbertia” (with or without a sibilant “t”), “British Alberta” and, yes, “Albumbia.” This last name was disdained by the higher orders in government, and had been seized upon by a middle-level Alberta civil servant familiar with the works of Marx (Groucho, not Karl). He had adapted the “Freedonia” anthem from Duck Soup and, in his cups, would goose-step about the bar and sing Hail, hail, Albumbia, Mightiest of mighty nations! Hail, hail, Albumbia, Land of the brave and free.

Thanks to this figment, the name Albumbia – which the British are to pronounce “Albumb`ya” – shall heretofore head these pages. Our business here is the political affairs of present day Alberta and British Columbia, but our devout hope is for an unbroken ribbon of steel resolve stretching clear from Lloydminster to Ucluelet.

Now you may say, as they were supposed to have of that dead Beatle, that I’m dreamer, but events of the last two years suggest that I’m not the only one. Premiers Campbell and Klein look as though they’re becoming the Siamese twins of provincial politics. They lease airplanes together when they fly to premiers’ summits.

They’ve taken trade missions through the western states touting the Albumbia Advantage (though not in so many words). In May there will be a joint B.C.-Alberta cabinet meeting – the first such occurrence in the history of Confederation, I’m told – in Prince Rupert.

The B.C. government, although less sure-footed than Ralph’s crew, has tried to emulate Alberta in areas like privatization, resource development and the reduction and streamlining of government. Campbell employs various Alberta alumni (such as deputy finance minister Paul Taylor and deputy education minister Emery Dosdall), and uses Klein’s former chief of staff Rod Love as a policy adviser. It is no coincidence that Campbell’s teary, televised apology for his driving drunk in Maui in December 2002 closely mimicked Klein’s successful public contrition following the boozy episode at an Edmonton men’s shelter a year earlier. Both premiers are now on the wagon – those wagons, at least, that are hitched together.

Behind the scenes, in areas like tourism, economic development and purchasing, the two provinces are embarking on shared initiatives. School textbooks will be bought jointly in bulk and school curricula will be harmonized; truck weigh stations on either side of the border are being consolidated. Mere acorns, perhaps – but we know what acorns do. You’ll be laughing out of the other side of your face when WestJet renames itself Albumbi-Air.

There are those who think they have a better idea. There’s always the Firewall Committee, Ralph Klein’s travelling road show examining ways to “strengthen Alberta’s place in Confederation” (and strengthening the Alberta PCs’ place in the rural ballot box next year). If one forces one’s self to sit through a Firewall Committee meeting, as I did for an abnormally long evening in Edmonton recently, one can hear grey men in a beige hall repeat the argument about how the the adoption of Quebecstyle autonomies such as one’s own pension plan, tax collectors and police force will bestow upon Alberta the clout that enabled la belle province to become the coddled child of Confederation. This was, you’ll recall, the gist of a manifesto once championed by Stephen Harper. Mimicking Quebec, he proposed, was a way for us to become maitres chez nous. (That was before he became master of Stornoway, with those 33 rooms and chauffered limo and quieted down about the firewall stuff).

But it’s hard to imagine this ever happening. Alberta is not on Ottawa’s doorstep, does not have Quebec’s founding province status, has no language card to play, and most importantly of all, lacks the numbers.

Before Alberta and Saskatcewan were created in 1905, the government of what was then the Northwest Territories had favored creation of a superprovince called Buffalo stretching from the borders of Manitoba to the B.C. coast and north to the Arctic Circle. Prime Minister Wilfred Laurier hated the idea for the same reason the westerners loved it: there was the potential for too much power. Buffalo was buffaloed.

Although there is a small, moneyed group of expatriated Saskatchewanians in Calgary pushing the idea of an Alta-Sask merger, I don’t think that’s going to occur. Three generations after St. Tommy chased the oil prospectors out of his Jerusalem, most remaining Saskatchewanians are happy to keep their crown corporations and government jobs. And besides, Saskatchewan would add less than a million people to the combined population. In time, if current trends continue, the best and brightest of them will move to Alberta anyway.

No, Albumbia is the new Buffalo. Alberta and B.C. have congruent aspirations and the numbers work much better. Consider the combined population of 7 million (half a mil shy of Quebec and closing fast). Consider the combined GDP of $275 billion ($50 billion more than Quebec.) Consider a joint debt of $31 billion. (Albertans may balk at this, but consider that Quebec’s debt is $108 billion and that Alberta’s Heritage Fund could reduce Albumbia’s combined debt to a relatively bite-sized $19 billion.) And consider B.C.’s rapidly improving resource sectors, her $100 billion worth of offshore gas and oil, her gas fields in the northeast, a geography and climate that greatly appeals to both tourists and retiring Albertans, and a government that has finally moved from deficit to surplus. With such a combined population and economy, the creation of an Albumbian police force and pension plan – the natural evolution from textbooks and weigh stations – makes more sense than it does in Alberta alone. The same economies of scale could be used in creating, for example, that decent health care system that premiers Klein and Campbell both know is needed.

The big bonus, though, would be the creation of a single political bloc. The combined province would have the heft that surpasses even that once imagined for Buffalo. Suddenly we’d have the leverage to give us an appropriate number of seats in the House of Commons. We’d also demand more seats in the Senate (currently the four Atlantic provinces, with eight percent of the Canadian population have 30 senators; Quebec has 24; Albumbia has 12).

If we are going to be masters of our own house, it is necessary to behave in masterful fashion. In this country, it’s also necessary to have a big house. Albumbia-sized.
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interesting concept....i've run outta time...no time to sa......